I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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