So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
