Too much gin, very little bucket
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
