So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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