He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
