so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
