My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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