Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
its liver damage thursday
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