My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This baby is an asshole
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
