I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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