you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
