Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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