when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
