I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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