Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
