Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
