i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
