my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
