Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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