You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
