Im at strip club and am horny
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
