FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
