my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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