Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
