Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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