I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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