I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
