the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
