I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
