The maid of honor just puked.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
