Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
