I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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