In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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