Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
