I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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