Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
