Christians are straight up FREAKS
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
