This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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