I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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