yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
