Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
