thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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