Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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