If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
