i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
