Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
