I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
