im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
