Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
