We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i think i just lost a toe
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
