if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
