Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
