Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
