You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I need to stop coming to work sober
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
