Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
