Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
